We often assume that the chronically ill are in the minority, however, you may be surprised to know that nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA have a chronic illness and about 96% of it is invisible. Are these women attending church retreats? Too many of them are suffering silently. They are depressed, isolated, and sometimes questioning if God really cares. Others, you will find, are some of the wisest, joyful, and spiritually mature women you will ever meet. They will touch your retreat attendees in ways that even the planned speaker will not. But are any of them coming?
Rest Ministries, the largest Christian organization that serves the chronically ill, took a survey about attending retreats. Out of the twenty respondents, seventeen participate less since they have a chronic illness. When asked why, the responses were as follows:
Three explained, “Accessibility issues (It’s difficult to get to and from buildings at the retreat)”; 6 people responded, “The pain factor. It’s just too draining”; 4 shared, “The unpredictable health issues”; and 10 said, “A combination of the above.”
So, how could you encourage these women to get involved again in your church retreat?
1. When weighing different retreat locations, consider the limitations of people with chronic illness when asking the retreat centers questions. Promote that you have this information before people register.
For example, ask the retreat center personnel about factors such as: Are the hills steep? Are there carts available for transportation? How far are the rooms from the main meeting center? Is there seating available other then collapsible metal folding chairs? What about elevators? One woman shares, “I stopped going a year or so ago because the retreat planner does not tell you what is expected, or about walking, stairs, etc. They need to be more honest.” Those with chronic illness typically look for retreat centers held in locations where little walking is necessary and preferably the ground is flat. Large homes or hotels are also good options. While it’s easy for a retreat planner to assume that fifty yards is a “short walking distance,” fifty steps may be exhausting for some people. So provide the actual distances on your promotional flyer. Don’t just write “Rooms are a short walking distance from the main building.”
2. Realize that women with illness have a great desire to go on retreats and get to know others, but they also will be on their own schedule at times. Don’t take it personally.
Margaret, who lives with a malignant brain tumor and uterine cancer says, “I don’t attend because people don’t want to understand or accept that sometimes I have to retreat from the ‘retreat.’ Sometimes I have to go back to my room and get some rest. Other people decide that I’m escaping from my problems, and demand that I participate in whatever event was planned. I’m not trying to be anti-social. I will participate when God enables me to do so; but at the same time, when God tells me to rest, I must rest despite what the [retreat] ‘timetable’ states.” As a retreat planner you can help this by posting the retreat’s schedule at least a week before the event on the church’s web site.
3. When planning events such as ice breakers or fun games, remember to have something for those with physical limitations to participate in if they wish
If they don’t want to participate in the relay race of dressing in costumes, let them do their own thing. Debbie, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome says, “Unfortunately, I’ve yet to find a retreat planner who understands that I do not participate–not because I’m being uncooperative, shy or anti-social–but because I simply cannot physically do so; the result is that I don’t attend church retreats.”
4. Avoid gasping when you see how much stuff she has packed
Though all women have necessities they pack to be more comfortable for their stay, those with chronic illness will have extra stuff. These may include: their own bedding, special cushions for chairs, a few pillows, eighteen kinds of snacks, pain patches, shades to sleep, and a flashlight and a book to read if sleep doesn’t happen. They may pack special water, a humongous pillbox of medicine (don’t comment), and perhaps even a service dog (which she likely would have spoken to you about before the event).
5. Though you have good intentions with your suggestions, remember that she knows her body better than you do, and she’s trying to plan for her best experience
Riding on the bus with everyone else, for example, may put her in a great deal of pain the entire weekend. So if she requests a ride in a car with a staff member, make that accommodation. If she puts on a headset to listen to music, don’t take it personally that she isn’t talking. She may need to rejuvenate so that she is able to socialize that evening. She also may need to eat. If she is diabetic, she will likely need to eat small snacks and meals throughout the weekend. Don’t tell her, “Dinner it is in just thirty minutes, so please wait so you can eat with us.”
6. Recognize that she’s not being a prima donna; take her requests in stride
She may be insisting that she have the bottom bunk bed and then pull out her own mattress, but it’s not because she is the Princess and the Pea. She may have some needs that are medical requirements. For example, electricity in her room is necessary if she uses something like a CCAP machine for sleep apnea. (Out of 20 women surveyed, 2 used this). Her medications may also need to be refrigerated and an ice pack won’t do the job, so she may need access to the retreat center kitchen or a staff member. Sheryl, who lives with chronic myofascial pain says, “Make sure there are always chairs available for those who can’t stand more than a couple of minutes.” You may not see a cane or walker, but her feet, knees or balance may not be able to take more than a couple of minutes standing.
7. Realize that she may not want others to know about her illness
Marjorie says, “When an explanation is given in confidence, avoid reacting so that everyone present knows that I have a problem.” Anjuli, who lives with congenital myopathy (a form of Muscular Dystrophy) agrees. “Don’t single me out!”
8. Have scholarships available
Chronic illness is very expensive and most of these women are on an extremely limited budget. Rarely will they ask for financial help to attend a church retreat, however, because they assume someone must need it more than them. Quietly let them know scholarships are available.
9. Delegate someone to oversee the necessities of your chronically ill attendees
Choose your “healthiest” person with a chronic illness, or a cancer survivor, to communicate with those with illness and listen to their needs and concerns. The women who responded to the survey still do attend retreats and most say they approach the retreat planner ahead of time about their health issues. But for the dozens of others who would like to attend, but assume you are unable to accommodate their needs, they never contact the church. Try to reach the women who assume they are unable to go, by putting a special line on your promotional flyers that say, “Coping with chronic illness? Ask us about our special accommodations! We’d love to have you come!”
One of the most valuable gifts in our church that we often overlook is the wisdom and joy of those who live with chronic illness and oftentimes daily pain, and love God anyways. September 8-14 is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, sponsored by Rest Ministries. It’s a perfect opportunity to take a second look at your ministry’s priorities and discover who is not being served who could use your encouragement. And don’t forget to also include the chronically ill because the church is missing out on their joy in the Lord, despite their suffering. Get them involved in a retreat soon! One of them may just be your next speaker.
Tags: christianity